Sad but true......Pastor Search Committee

PASTOR SEARCH COMMITTEE REPORT


In our search for a suitable pastor, the following
scratch sheet was developed for your perusal. Of the
candidates investigated by the committee, only one
was found to have the necessary qualifications. The
list contains the names of the candidates and
comments on each, should you be interested in
investigating them further for future pastoral
placement.



NOAH: He has 120 years of preaching experience, but
no converts.
MOSES: He stutters; and his former congregation says
he loses his temper over trivial things. After
investigating his past, we also discovered that he
was also a murderer.
ABRAHAM: He took off to Egypt during hard times. We
heard that he got into trouble with the authorities
and then tried to lie his way out.
DAVID: He has unacceptable moral character. He might
have been considered for minister of music had he
not fallen.
SOLOMON: He has a reputation for wisdom, but fails
to practice what he preaches.
ELIJAH: He proved to be inconsistent, and is known
to fold under pressure.
HOSEA: His family life is in a shambles. Divorced,
and remarried to a prostitute.
JEREMIAH: He is too emotional, alarmist; some say a
real "pain in the neck".
AMOS: Comes from a farming background. Better off
picking figs.
JOHN: He says he is a Baptist...but lacks tact...and
dresses like a hippie. Would not feel comfortable at
a church potluck supper. It has been said he even
eats grasshoppers dipped in honey...
PETER: Has a bad temper, and was heard to have even
denied Christ publicly.
PAUL: We found him to lack tact. He is too harsh.
His appearance is contemptible and he preaches too
long...
TIMOTHY: He has potential, but is much too young for
the position.
JESUS: He tends to offend church members with his
preaching. Too radical. He especially offends Bible
Scholars. And he is too controversial. He hangs out
with sinners. He even offended the search committee
with his pointed questions.
JUDAS: He seems to be very practical, co-operative,
and good with money. He cares for the poor and
dresses well. We all agreed that he is the man we
are looking for to fill the vacancy as our Senior
Pastor.
Thank you for all you have done in assisting us with
our pastoral search.

Committee Chairman
D. O. A.